Dancing Queer
by itsaktastrophe
Summary: One-shot. Sasuke, drunk at a club, is challenged to a duel. “Hn. I accept. Me and you. On the dance floor. Buh-ring it." No one expected this. Dedicated to Tupelo Thief. Slight SasuSaku.


**AN:** This is my first Naruto one-shot dedicated to my leader, **Tupelo Thief**, who gave me the inspiration for this little story. We decided to start a little collection. Hope you enjoy! Reviews and critiques are gladly accepted and appreciated. Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the Naruto characters, Michael Jackson's songs (and dance moves), and the song The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang

**Prompts:** Sasuke-oriented, DUEL, a sexy-prize

**Rating:** T

**For:** Catherine

**Title: **Dancing Queer

Sasuke was drunk. Piss-assed drunk, Naruto determined.

It seemed hard to tell since any normal person would be slurring his words, or tripping over himself, or taking off his clothes, or anything that would embarrass himself; the key word being _normal_. Of course his best friend – stupid Uchiha – would be the exception. Sure, it was his idea to, literally, drag Sasuke to a club, as well as to get him intoxicated – he wanted the teme to embarrass himself, damnit! – but what the hell? He had no intention of _this_ happening.

_This _being Sasuke moving fluidly and smoothly across the dance floor while his former, and possibly new, fangirls swooned. And that wasn't even the worst part, Naruto thought. No, not only did Sasuke prove that he could dance, but apparently he could sing _while_ dancing to-

"_'Cause this is thriller, thriller night!  
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike.  
You know it's thriller, thriller night!  
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight!_"

Naruto felt his head connect with the bar. How the hell did Sasuke, not only know all the words, but all the dance moves to one of Michael Jackson's songs? He paused. Waitaminit! Friggin' Uchiha and his friggin' Sharingan! He glared at the oblivious Uchiha, who was currently waving clawed hands in the air, imitating the zombies in the music video.

He was tired of having to babysit the Uchiha and wanted to have fun. But he couldn't just leave Sasuke alone – lest he get raped – and drink his woes away – that father of his kept visiting his subconscious whenever he felt like it, even though the Yondaime had promised that it was only to keep the Kyuubi in control.

Everyone began to cheer as the song ended and Sasuke stopped dancing. Sakura, who was sitting next to Sai whispered, "Damn, he's fuh-ine." She licked her lips and all but undressed him with her eyes.

The cheering suddenly ceased as the club doors slammed open. A group appeared through the door shooting nasty looks at the crowd. The group divided as a tall man, most likely the leader, emerged and walked to the bar. He was dressed in an electric blue jumpsuit and had a gold chain necklace that said, "DANCING KING." He looked around distastefully at all the girls until his eyes landed on Sakura, who was busy devising a plan to get Sasuke in her bed later –sleep being the furthest thing from her mind. He licked his lips and stalked to where she sat. He gave her a toothy grin, revealing three gold teeth.

"Hey hawtness. Me and you baby, we ain't nothin' but mammals. So let's do it like they do on the discovery channel," he crooned.

Sakura angrily stared at him and wagged her finger. Pissed and a bit tipsy she exclaimed, "Oh no you di'int! You did not just hit on me! Jeez, you even quoted Bloodhound Gang!"

Naruto, hearing this, all but puked right then and there. That was so disturbing. Sai glanced at Naruto and started patting him on his knee. Naruto looked at Sai.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?"

Sai looked confused. "Is this not a way to comfort a person who is considered special? I read it in a book that Kiba loaned me two days ago. It said to casually pat the person's knee, start to rub it gently, and move higher to the person's thigh."

Naruto slowly took Sai's moving hand off his leg. "Yeah, remind me to kill Kiba when I'm sober."

Sai shrugged. "If that's what you wish, dickless."

"Shut up– "

"Hey blondie, I'm trying to seduce my woman over here. Y'mind fighting with your boyfriend," Blue Man – Naruto decided to call him – said while pointing at Sai, "in a more private place? Like the ladies' bathroom stall, maybe. Get the unresolved sexual tension over with and stuff."

"What the fu–"

"Hey," interrupted Sakura, suddenly standing with her hand on her hip. "I'm not your woman and I don't like the fact that you're mocking my teammates –even if some of us do wonder about Sai's sexual orientation."

"Hey Ugly Hag, are you trying to defend me?" Sai questioned.

"Shut up you socially-inept idiot!" Sakura turned to Blue Man, "And who do you think you are, you-you-you DANCING QUEER!"

The crowd started to laugh, but more nasty looks from Blue Man's group silenced them. He looked appalled at what she labeled him.

"I'll have you know that I am in fact straight! My name is Ricky, and that's Ricky-sama to you! I have been dancing all of my life and have won plenty of competitions thanks to my killer dance moves," he declared.

"Well too bad," Sakura sneered, "my heart belongs to only one person, and that person could kick your ass in a millisecond." She 'z-snapped,' emphasizing her words. She paused and then, as a last thought added, "Chyeah. _Shannaro_!"

"Really now? And who do you think has the guts to challenge me?"

The club's inhabitants pointed at Sasuke, who was busy pondering what song he wanted next.

Ricky, clearly upset and appalled that someone could be a better than he, shouted, "Fine! You there with the chicken-butt hair–"

The crowd echoed, "Oh no he di'int!"

"–who looks like blondie's manwhore!"

"I resent that!" Naruto shouted.

"I challenge you to a DUEL!"

The disc jockey – Ino, who had owed a favor to a friend – pressed a button. 'Yu-Gi-Oh!' reverberated through the room. She looked sheepishly around, apologizing, "I couldn't help it!"

Ricky continued, "We'll dance for a prize- a _sexy_ prize. We'll dance to one song chosen by this cute DJ–"

"Puh-lease," Ino rolled her eyes.

"–and the winner gets to do whatever he wants with a person of his choice. Maybe receive a kiss, or maybe… more." He shot a flirtatious look at Sakura and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Sakura gagged. Sasuke considered this challenge. Then–

"Hn. I accept. Me and you. On the dance floor. Buh-ring it," Sasuke's cool voice resonated through the club.

Ino sighed, unsure of what song to choose, but then a lightbulb popped into her head.

"Okay then! The song you two must dance to is… Beat It!"

Everyone hooted and hollered, clearly pleased by the entertaining turn of events. Naruto slammed his head on the counter again. Damnit! Another Michael Jackson song! And his favorite one, too! Sasuke had another chance to show off his copied dance moves.

Both dancers took their places in the center of the club. Sasuke activated his Sharingan, waiting for the song to start. Ino pressed play and as soon as the music came through the speakers, Ricky took off the top part of his jumpsuit, revealing a satin white long sleeved shirt. Everyone stared. Not only was it white, but it was covered in sequins and had ruffles on the front and sleeves.

"Oh kami-sama! My eyes!" Naruto shouted as tears flowed down his cheeks.

Ricky started by shimmying his chest and then moving his feet in a traditional cha-cha. He waved his arms in the air, curving them ever so gracefully. Then he twirled around and did the move known as 'the sprinkler.' He finished with a move called the lawnmower, and then lifted one leg and put one hand behind his head, kicking his leg back and forth. A couple of cheers were heard from his gang. Then he pointed at Sasuke.

Sasuke in turn, spun around quickly and stopped on his tip-toes. He stepped left and right as he effortlessly snapped his fingers, like Michael Jackson in the video. He then proceeded to put each hand up and then down consecutively, kicking each leg to the side. Then he rolled his body in a wave from head to toe as he moved to the left, foot by foot. Fangirls, and some boys, screamed and nearly fainted as he spun again, lifted his crotch two times and tipped his head at Ricky.

Ricky, looking nervous now, answered with a quick leap in the air and started to crawl on the floor, almost like a stripper. He ran his hand through his hair as he got up and started to jut his head out as he 'walked like an Egyptian.' Afterwards he put his hands on his knees and switched his hands as he opened and closed his legs. He stopped and nodded towards Sasuke.

Sasuke then kicked his leg out and flicked it in front of him while his shoulders took turns going up and down. He then clapped his hands over his head and moved his head from side to side while bending down and shifting from right to left. He then pointed towards his right, spun around, paused, and started to do the moonwalk. At the sight of this dance move, Ricky fainted, falling on his back, and waved a little white flag that he seemed to conjure out of air.

Everyone in the club, including Ricky's gang, cheered and yelled, "SASUKE! SASUKE SASUKE!"

Sasuke then stopped his dancing, giving the crowd a bow. He then looked towards the bar, where Naruto, Sai, and Sakura were sitting, and started to walk there.

"I think I'll get my prize now if you don't mind," Sasuke said, sending chills down Sakura's spine.

"Whatever you say, Sauce-cakes," she murmured, closing her eyes and leaning towards him.

He leaned towards her and–

The next morning, two of Konoha's inhabitants were seen walking down the street towards Ichiraku's Ramen stand.

"What the hell, Sakura. What did I do to make you so mad at me this early in the morning? I've got a headache and you're really being annoying," Sasuke sighed, as he tried to catch up with the kunoichi, who was trying her best to ignore him.

"_I'm annoying_?" Sakura seethed, "You friggin kiss Sai and you say I'm annoying?–"

Sasuke froze. "I did what?"

"–I pretty much declared my love for you last night!"

They got to the ramen stand, where Naruto waved at them with ramen noodles flowing from his mouth. "Hey teme, did you have fun last night? Look, I have a picture."

Sasuke snatched the photo from Naruto's hand and blanched at what he saw. It was a picture of him kissing Sai. Not just a little peck on the lips, but a full make-out session. Hell, he was practically trying to suck Sai's face off! His ears turned red, the only sign of his embarrassment. Naruto laughed.

"Holy fuck. Why did I do.. _that_?"

"Well, I asked you why you kissed him and you know what you said? You wanted that _sexy-prize_ and said he was 'effin' hot'," Sakura used her hands to stress the quotations, "because he looked just like you! You-you-you… CLOSET NARCISSIST!"

With that she punched him in the face and kicked him in the balls, causing an unaware Sasuke to crumple down, in a manly manner. He swore he saw little Itachis and red moons circling his head, mocking him, "foolish little brother, foolish little brother!"

Sakura, satisfied with the effects of her actions – she grabbed Naruto's camera and took another picture. Sasuke's face was _priceless_ – paused to savor the moment, then turned around with a huff and stormed away.

Sasuke, surprised by her strength and in excruciating pain, watched Sakura trudge away, not bothering to get up. Naruto was laughing his ass off, eyes crinkled and tears running down his face. Still slightly dazed, Sasuke touched his face –also gently grasping his 'tenders' – and continued to stare at her retreating form. He then looked up at Naruto.

"I think I'm in love."


End file.
